1 Year.

I just can't believe 1 whole year has passed us by since Jeydon flew away to Heaven.

We all miss you still so much.
We love you, Jey.


That's all I've got.

My Special, Bright Angel.

I am so sorry for the break between postings. We have been on several holiday and even had a trip to hospital yikes!!

My older brother, Levi, got really sick with meningitis and landed himself in hospital in the middle of Feb. and it was quite a scare to our whole family. I haven't been to that hospital since the June afternoon we took Jeydon home for the very last time and it was very awkward being back there, but nice to see the lovely doctors and nurses, they are so dedicated! He stayed inpatient for about a week or so and then was able to go home and is still somewhat recovering. He had the bacterial type which was even more of a cause for concern but they caught it early so he is ok now and that is all that matters. :)

As you can imagine, we are very much still in the midst of missing sweet Jeydon as each day fades into the next. I didn't get to post on the 7th month, or the 8th but they came and went as any angelversary. I will admit my mood fluctuates from time to time but I am generally a happy person, well at least I try to remain positive! There are always moments though, as expected. I will share of one briefly below...

Ava started a new preschool because we were unhappy with her old one, so her first day was sometime in Feb. When she first arrived in her little class looking so cute as always, her teacher introducted her kindly to her new class. They all waved and smiled and giggled and cheered like the happy little people they are. And then the teacher asked her a few questions, favourite colour: pink (of course) favourite food: cookies....(again...of course) and so on. They she asked how many siblings she had. Stop. Ava stood tall as her 3 foot little figure could and stated: I've got a sister, Kyler, a sister, Lex (Alexis' nickname) and she stopped for a moment...stood a littler taller and smiled proudly out to her class (she is usually a tad bit shy and looks toward mum) AAAAND I've got a special, bright angel in Heaven called Jeydon! Everyone's hearts stopped and I know people tried to choke back tears (I was one of them) and failed (again, I was one of them) but everyone also smiled. For Ava. For Jeydon.

We miss you, Jeydon! We Love you! Keep shining brightly!!



"I am a helping hand, I am a hero"

Before I go though, I need to ask for a prayer request as this is very important. Her name is Layla Grace Marsh. Her name has been all over the internet recently because well...she is cute, she is two and she has Stage Four Neuroblastoma.
www.twitter.com/laylagrace
www.laylagrace.org
Please, no matter what you believe in, just say a simple prayer of peace for this little beauty..she needs prayers wherever God wants her...be it in Heaven or on Earth.

Kyler xxxx

Winter - 2010

I can't believe that a new year has begun without Jeydon here. I think I've said that before for numerous different things but I guess now you "get" the idea of still not believing that Jeydon is really gone. I can't imagine that in just five months time, it will be one year. Didn't I just tell you he was gone for five months? Days? Minutes?

While it doesn't snow too often here (England) there is a small blanket of snow embracing the frozen ground. Staring outside for far too long allows thoughts to collect in my mind, such as if Jeydon is cold underground? He only has a t-shirt on, and has a bald head. Doesn't that still matter? I can't imagine why it doesn't... I'm not sure as of how many people have thought the same, but I'm sure someone has. I know his body isn't "him" anymore, but I can't push passed the fact of thinking that he might be cold. That my brother is burried in the ground because he died...

At the end of this month our Nana will be coming for a visit and soon enough she will venture out here forever to move nearby us (probably by the summer). The mere thought of that makes my heart sing!

It's hard not to think about angelversaries, but they always pool inside my mind. Next month my eldest brother's friend will be in Heaven one year..on Valentines Day to be precise. His name was "Gavin" please say a prayer in his memory on the 14th, of Feb. Also, one very special angel will be in glorious Heaven three years on Feb. the 5th. Her name is "Ava" and she's from Australia (oh you know how I dearly LOVE AU!) She was three when she was tragically taken from this world. Please visit this darling angel here. Gosh, three years. Trying to imagine that is gut-wrenching, I don't know how her amazing mum, Sheye, does it.

K xxxxx

Death Is Nothing At All.

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!



This is the poem I spoke of whilst Jeydon was on hospice care, sleeping away in our living room on the couch he died on. I couldn't find the poem anywhere, and just found it in the information section of someone's YouTube video. I had that poem in an email from a friend who sent me it originally, but it got deleted somehow, someway.

Fly away my sweet, sweet brother.
I love you.

K xx.

Merry Christmas, My Love...

Merry Christmas, Jeydon..

This Christmas is going to be so different without you here physically. We know we always have the precious memories to hold onto but I'd rather hold you.

I hope you have a great Christmas with Jesus this year, Jeydon.

We haven't forgotten you..we miss you so much.

With Love,

Kyler.

Quick Prayer Request.

Our friend's daughter has a brain tumor and is currently in the hospital.

I would appreciate it if you could say a prayer tonight in her name. She is called "Alexis."

Thankyou.

k xx

Permanent.

As of 6.22 AM this moring Jeydon has been in Heaven for six long months. Saying that Jeydon has been dead for six months as opposed to six days, or three months, feels SO much more permanent. Through all these wave of emotions, we must remember that one day farther away from Jeydon is infact one day closer to him...

Six months ago today...Jeydon took his last breath on Earth.

Six months ago today...in that same last breath, Jeydon took his first breath in Heaven.

Six months ago today...Jeydon gave up his heartbeat in exchange for the heartbeat of God.

Six months ago today...we mourned over an amazing boy's loss.

Six months ago today...we rejoiced over an amazing boy's gains.

Six months ago today...Jeydon suffered.

Six months ago today...Jeydon was cleansed.

Six months ago today...we learned the true meaning of strength and beauty.

Six months ago today...Jeydon met God, someone he FULLY relied on, for the first time ever.

Six months ago today...we witnessed the worst day of our lives, and the best day of Jeydon's.

Six months ago today...Jeydon laid all his plans, hopes, dreams, and future at God's feet.

Six months ago today...we knew Jeydon was finally safe and healthy and full and renewed.

Six months ago today...and we still remember. and cry. and pray. and try. and miss. and love.

Yes, six months is a long time. A big "milestone" if you will, in the world of grief. Most people who haven't travelled along this dreaded road assume that six months is the end of grief and the "letting go" process. I stand before you to tell you it is not. Just as love, grief never ends also. I imagine myself in fourty years still thinking of Jeydon and although it won't be nearly as debilitating, I think I will still have to wipe my eyes.

It's been six months since Jeydon died but it has also been six months since he was healed and brought to new life and endless happiness. I've said eariler that we never exactly bluntly told Jeydon that he was going to die, and since he was in a sedated state most of the time, he didn't know he was home, or why he was for that matter. But he was such a wise man, and such an old, old soul. I hate to think he knew he was dying but I think he did. Now I say "man" lightly because in reality Jeydon was only a baby when he died. He was 14. Fourteen. In my mind, fourteen year olds still aren't supposed to die. Him dying didn't change my perspective on children dying. Altered it? Yes. Changed it? No.

We will all always miss Jeydon, but life sadly goes on. I guess this was supposed to happen and its not just an unfair glitch in life. I know God planned Jeydon's life long before time and nothing could have changed what happened to Jeydon last June. Regardless, we still miss him and selfishly want him back. Jeydon fought like hell, as do all these other precious kids, and he went to Heaven anyway..I wonder if he ever thinks it was all a waste like I do sometimes. But I can say that no matter what, Jeydon always smiled and if it weren't for that bald head of his nobody would have known he had cancer. Neuroblastoma what made Jeydon, Jeydon and he never let it conquer his life, spirit, and mind.

Christmastime is coming and the holidays have proven themself to be hard and upsetting in the worst ways. We put up our Christmas tree and decorated in all fancy for Jeydon because he simply loved the holidays. I imagine us always doing the same traditions we usually do, just minus one person, one very very important person.

To Jeydon,

Soooo Jeydon, happy six months! I love you so much! I am so sorry I want you to come back and for things to be like they always were, you know how I so hate change. I'm trying though, I really am, and I will forever miss you. Nothing can ever take away my love for you and you will ALWAYS be my twin brother. Thankyousomuch for all your wonderful gifts to all of us, they are something I will forever cherish. I found a small box that had To Kyler: Luve Jeydon written on it exactly like that! It was the christmas gift you gave me when we were six, the little duck, remember? I hope you hear my prayers every night, I pray they get to you. I love you, Jeydon and I miss you very, very much...

Luve ;) Kyler.

Happy Thanksgiving, Jeydon.

That's all I've got.

Love, Kyler.

xx

The Eighteenth Month Anniversary We Never Got To Celebrate...{Written with love by Jeydon's girlfriend...}

Dear Jeydon,

Happy Anniversary! I miss you so much, sweetheart. Can you hear everything I have been saying to you every night since you have been in Heaven? I always leave you voicemails and I still say "goodnight" to you, I hope you get them. See that picture of the necklace above? I bought this in loving memory of you and have worn it religiously ever since. I love how it's called the "Open Heart Necklace" so that I can always let our love for eachother in no matter what. I realize my heart is broken now, but I do still carry you in my heart, for always.

I still have not come to terms with your death. I do not understand and I do not think I want to understand for that matter. I know I will never get the answers to my daily questions. "To where has Jeydon gone?" "Why did this happen?" "How could this happen?" And those are just to name a few... The saddest part is I know in my heart, deep, deep in my heart, that I can not have you back ever again. Tears cannot bring you back, I know because I've tried. I have no idea how to handle the ways I feel sometimes, Jeydon, please help me. I beg you. I tried to pretend this never happened just a few weeks ago as I was on holiday in Peru with my family. I did all my "normal" routine things and tried to not think too much. (Since not thinking about you simply isn't possible.) Well my body repaid me by making me very sick. Going to school without you now is awfully debilitating and hurts beyond belief. I'd much rather grieve at home instead of in a public venue because my emotions right now are a jumbled mess inside me. Crying for you comes without warning and reason. The smallest things are the biggest and it kills me sometimes. Usually, to push past all that pain, I just pretend that you're too sick to come to school like you had been many a times, or tell myself you're at hospital getting a treatment or medicine. Seeing your twin sister, Kyler, (I didn't really need to tell you her name, lol) is such a relief, thank God for her!

Jeydon, at last minute decision, in memory of you I decided to go to Warped Tour over the summer on Long Island, New York, with your sister and some friends. It was great, different, but still great and I know you would have most DEFINITLEY approved of the band line-up. Much to everyone's surprise, The Devil Wears Prada played as one of the first bands for the day and we near missed them, but caught them in the last ten minutes, how about that? I guess you had asked God so kindly to let them play first so you could watch and then go off and do your "thing." Did you notice the Skate4Cancer booth?! OMG I was so happy!! What a way to remember you, huh? Skateboarding (your favorite, of course) and cancer (stupid fucking disease that took you) was quite a shock to see. God bless that young man, Rob, for putting all of that together for cancer suffers. Thank you, Rob Dyer. I know Jeydon would say "thanks" too. I hope a cure is found soon, my love, we will all keep fighting and that is a promise!!!! p.s. I bought a cute little sticker that says "Fuck Cancer" on it, ahah :) I know that'd make you laugh. I know you probably were already watching, but just incase let me reinforce this, underOATH played "Writing on the Walls"! Kyler caught it on film, don't worry!

Oh, Jeydon, this has been the hardest, worst, and the best experience of my life. All because of you, and all the love you had to offer to me, I am who I am today. I believe so strongly in the Lord because of you. Being your girlfriend changed me so much and I will NEVER forget you, just like the millions of others you touched, near and far. You were always and still are so loved, don't you ever forget that. Only the best get rewarded in Heaven at such a young age. I know you carried our your purpose and you carried it out well. Please, don't let my tears break you in anyway, I want nothing to do with hurting your precious soul. I am so sorry that you suffered here, baby, and if there was anyway, I would have given my life to see you live. I know how horridly unfair this whole "cancer" thing is, and I will do whatever I can do live up to the great memories you gave me, great things you did for everyone around you and the good feelings you spread to everyone.

Today would have been a year and a half of being together with you, my love. Sadly, you are not here to celebrate with. I guess I will have to "celebrate" alone, if celebrating is such a word to use...

Rest in peace, my beloved boyfriend.

Always yours, always mine.

I love you.

xx.

5 Months...

The picture you hung last week
Keeps staring back at me
There we are still laughin'
Like nothin' ever happened
I still feel you in the air
It's not fair, it's not fair

5 months without you...

We miss who you would have been. Who you could have been. Who you should have been.

K xx.

Not Really "Gone"

Well the 4 month has come and gone, 15 days and we are already at the 5 month, then comes the dreaded six month mark just around the corner. If you would have told me a year back that I'd survive on this earth without my twin brothers earthly presence I'd call you crazy, but looks as if I have made it. Jeydon is in our constant thoughts and we speak of him daily as if he was still here saying things like "Oh, Jeydon would looooooove this!" or "This would really piss Jeydon off!" All in all, we still miss him just as much as we did the second he left his body, if not more.

Although Jeydon isn't here anymore, he isn't really "gone." I didn't feel HIM leave when his body gave out on June 16th, his spirit still was all around me and it still is today. I understand that so many people feel often awkward or out of place when talking about grief, so they throw in all those silly cliches. "He was gone too soon" or "He's in a far better place." I don't think Jeydon was at all "Gone Too Soon" no matter how much I wanted him to stay, God picked how long Jeydon was to live and nothing could change that. Not a cure, not a prayer, not love, not hope, not wishes, not pleads, nothing. Everyone goes back home on their own time and Jeydon was so ready that horrible day. If 14 years was all that Jeydon was supposed to live, then I can safetly say Jeydon did live that out. He really did live, every single day. Yes, Jeydon might be in a better place, but we still want him back and we still miss him and wish for him to be here. I am so at peace with the fact that Jeydon has found peace now. If someone told me years back that I'd have to watch my brother suffer for ten years non-stop, I'd call them crazy. I guess "crazy" is this new state of living we have entered.

Please, if you are still out there praying for Jeydon, don't pray for him. He doesn't need our prayers anymore as he has all he ever wanted and needed. He is so much okay now, it has been how long since I could say that? But believe me when I say he is whole and pure now. We on the other hand, are praying TO Jeydon everyday asking him to grant us the courage and strength he found within himself so many times, to help us find that same strength to make it through another day without his earthly presence.

I will try to post more often (been so busy with class) and let you know how we are all doing. The holidays are just around the corner, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years etc. Thinking back to last year, around Thanksgiving was when Jeydon's body slowly started to dwindle for the last time after being so "well" for almost a year and continuously did so until that fateful day this past June. Although he was so sick, and we were really sad and scared, we did have a lot to be thankful for last year. Jeydon didn't eat dinner with us and slept in my parents bed all day but he was here. This year, his body is no longer with us and that was something we should have been thankful for last year, instead of kind of fudging our "thank-yous" because of fear of Jeydon's new deterioration in his health.

Halloween was okay, not so hard, but not so easy. We certainly did feel Jeydon all around us. We know he is there, and that is what we always look for, and always are thankful for.

We love you, Jeydon! And we miss you soooo much. I know you're having fun, so I don't even have to say that I hope you are. Take good care of all of us because we still need you.


K xx.

4 Months.

"I'll carry you when you need a friend...you'll find my footprints in the sand."
~Leona Lewis

His Name In The Sand.

We miss you.


www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com

Shoes.

Today was a quiet day. Today we sat and we cried. Together. Today in the post, we recieved shoes Jeydon had ordered 4 months back, in early June. Shoes that we're not in stock at the time. Shoes that he had wanted. And so desperatley and patiently waited for. And they arrived. Three months. Too. Late.

The new residents at occupying our old memory-filled house rang us and said a package had been sent there, one they hadn't placed and order for and one that belonged to us. When Mum and I went to pick it up, we got into the car with it and with excitement, anxious to see what this little package held. When we saw Jeydon's name stamped on the front she cried. And I cried. We cried together. I'd like to think that Jeydon has his very own pair now in Heaven, and that he's walking in new shoes. Not literally new ones that have a fresh store, rubbery scent but one's that don't carry a body with cancer. That before he even got through Heaven's gates, he took off those shoes that fell downward into emptyness and walked through the golden Heavenly path straight to Jesus, barefoot to leave a lasting impression. Like Jesus told his Apostles once, to go barefoot and bring not what you ever carired in your former life, and to follow him on his journey into forevermore happiness, love, and surrounding comfort without any suffering at all, and for Jeydon, without cancer. For any child whom went before us with cancer, to come into purity forever and live a beautiful eternal life with Him.

We look forward to taking that same path one hour. To walk down that long awaited path straight to Jesus and Jeydon who will sit becide him in Heavenly peace. I know he has hair now, and his favorite clothes, shoes and whatever he wants forever and that is a great source of comfort. And while we may have found suffering now, Jeydon has found peace and that is more than enough.

Matthew 10:10
Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purse, Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves.

I just wanted to make a post to let everyone know that we are okay and still here. Still missing Jeydon like crazy, but still here. So hard to believe that in 2 short days it will be three long months. Jeydon would have been in school already and it was hard to enter that building again like I did for the last time on the fifteenth for my last exam and for Jeydon's last day a few days eariler.

Life is hard without Jeydon, but in painful honesty it does go on without him. We are generally happy people, but when I come here it is my place to grieve because it used to be for updates on Jeydon requiring his health now it is updates on our missing of him.

More later.

K xx.

Where?

It often takes me a while to think about what exactly to write down here to share with everyone. It seems as though Jeydon's absence becomes more and more concious as the days slip away with him. It's hard to think he would have been here, 1 year ago today. That last year, was his last summer, his last first day of school, his last August, his last Monday, everything. It seems rather depressing to dwell on every last of his lasts, but the feeling doesn't subside and the lingering thoughts don't either.

My new room isn't Jeydon's too anymore. It's my things. My girl-ish things, and nothing in here belongs to Jeydon. Nothing in this room, this house, Jeydon touched. Never did he walk here, breathe here, laugh here. Never will we make another "Jeydon" memory in this new atmosphere, but we can carry old ones. Those memorys are so important. More important than a safe box filled with important documents, or photographs, or slips of money. How I wish I could take Jeydon as a whole and put him in a safe box to keep forever. To know he's always there. I know he's in Heaven, but I don't know where. How far away is Heaven? Should I look up to the clouds with the perspective of a small child and wave with a beaming smile, knowing he's there? Someone recently spoke and said that Jeydon's spirit and presence is "everywhere." Is that really so? Or does the mind say these things sunconciously to try and dampen the reality that he really is gone.




And of course...I had to add his beloved.


These things all came with us to our new house, along with many of (or all of) Jeydon's other belongings. They help you remember.

His phone still hasn't been shut off.

K xx.

57 days. 1368 hours. 82,080 minutes.4,924,800 seconds

It's been so long since we've seen Jeydon last.
In four short days, Jeydon will be gone two months.

Rather We Were Dancing.

I need to make this update short, since we are in the midst of worshiping the sunshine and fresh air outside whilst we don't pack.The past few weeks/days have gotten harder and harder without Jeydon here in person, but we still think of him. I could write down a list of one million and one things that I miss about him easily.

How he used to make the best of every moment, undoubtedly was the way he lived.

His yelling. My father used to joke that you could hear Jeydon yelling from Cuba and that it was really that damned loud. I still hear him yelling only from Heaven.

Keeping me up until 4AM, almost every night. Jeydon didn't feel the need for sleep, even when he was at his worst. Sometimes I sit up until 4, peeking open my eyes, just wishing for one more night.

How he just loved basically anything and anybody. My mum always used to tell me to be "more like Jeydon" when it came to choosing friends and enimies. He wasn't perfect, and not everyone loved him, just like anyone else. But he knew how to keep his friends close and his enimies closer.

But there are many things I think of that I actually don't miss.

We miss his eyes, we don't miss the tears in them.

I miss sharing a room with him, waking up to find him close by. I don't miss sharing hospital beds.

I miss running down hospital floors becide him with Mum whilst he or both of us rode on the feet of his IV pole. I don't miss knowing why he was in hospital. Or the fact of knowing what that horrid IV bag contained. And even worse, the fact that the harsh drugs were filling him. My twin.

I miss introducing him as my "twin brother, Jeydon" I don't miss explaining to others that he had cancer. And now, that cancer killed him.

Nasty medications. Needle pokes. IV poles. Hospital beds. Chemo and Radiotherapy. Loud, painful screams. Dressing changes. Puke buckets. Clinics. Emergency rooms.

Over all, I generally miss his presence because he was just always right becide me. We really were "two peas in a pod" and now it feels so empty.

Today is our last day in this house that grief built. But grief was not the only thing that built it. Somewhere, deep inside these walls, these floors, these stairs. Memories. Long before Jeydon really died, I believe that his spirit left and that his body just had to play "catch-up." About 4 days or so before he died, he lost himself and stopped doing all things you'd say were "normal" about Jeydon. It was hard to live there with him next to you when his spirit felt so gone. I knew where he was going, we all knew where he was going & we didn't have to "tell" Jeydon he was going to heaven, somehow we thought he just knew.

The last few days Jeydon was home, my mum had carried him into the bathroom and I can vividly remember her stopping there with him for a moment. Just like she was trying to capture everything about Jeydon. His smell, his soft skin, the weight of his body, the feeling of his sweet breath against her cheek. They were just both so peaceful. I know, that when we see Jeydon again, that he won't need to be carried anymore and that he will run to us and smile.

It's so hard to move house without Jeydon. This house was the last place he walked, the last place he ever was. The place his spirit now fills. I just want to cut and paste our bedroom into our new house and it just sucks knowing he won't be coming with us. That he'll never see this new house, or make new memories here with us. I know memories follow you wherever you may go, but having the real thing is always a hell of a lot better and I know many many people can agree with me on that one.

I guess I'll end my post here until next time.


God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, "Come to me".
You didn't deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best
And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again.

Thankyou, Jeydon for leaving us with so many memories that we hold closer than ever. We miss you and who you would have been so much but we know that for some reason that we will never know, you were needed in another place. I could repeat the same things over and over to you about how much we miss/love you, or how much this missing thing sucks. I know you're with Jesus, and forgive me for wanting you back here selfishly but it's so hard. I love you.

I would like everyone to take time to just remember Jeydon, and try not to dwell over the fact that he is gone now. He never dwelled over the fact that he was so sick, he knew he was, don't get me wrong, but he just lived. It didn't matter how many tubes he had sticking out of his frail body, or if he was in the middle of throwing up or a life-saving transfusion, his mind was never in that moment. He always thought about good and fun things to do, or worried of someone else becides himself. He knew the true meaning of love and laughter. And just like he'd be doing right now if he was here, no matter the circumstances, he'd be dancing or laughing or smiling and he'd want us to do the same. I know he'd rather we were dancing.

K xx.

The House That Grief Built. {001.}

In the next few weeks we will be moving house. Not anywhere too far, just a few towns over, still in the UK. My mum thought it'd be easier than it is with Jeydon gone, and she says she just cannot do it here without him. He's everywhere in our little house and whilst it is a comfort for myself, it's not for my mum. So we've found another cute little place, and soon we'll be occupying it by God's will. I believe that everything is just in His hands now. Its not gotten easier with the fact that Jeydon isn't here and I can't tell you how many times I just expect him to come running through our bedroom door. He still hasn't.

We're all doing okay.

I hope that Jeydon's story breaks no hearts, but brings others closer to eachother because that's what he would want.

We'll See Your Face Again.

Looking at pictures of Jeydon is hard now, though my mother finds it comforting and peers through album by album each day that passes. She had all of her photos that she took over the years, stored away in many plastic boxes, piled ontop of one another in the basement. She used to groan when she needed to file through them to find an appropriate picture for whatever thing came up, but when it was time for Jeydon's funeral...she went downstairs alone and pulled them all out, scattering them across the floor. There was so many pictures of him and she found it hard to chose what ones to use for the several collages of photos for the viewing and service.

I finally took all of Jeydon's belongings that were stored on "our" computer and put them onto a disk for storage into a box where all his things will go. It was by far one of the hardest things i've had to do so far, and I cry while I write this. The rather large box sits on the floor of our closet, fitted into a corner for when I need to look at whatever I want. All of his things that were on our desk are no longer, as well as the drawers that are becide our desk and it feels so empty. When I logon to our computer now there isn't any name and password requirement, it simply says "Welcome, Kyler" and asks for the appropriate password but I won't dwell over that, I just simply look down at the keyboard, which I don't need to do whilst I type, and type.

I am fully aware of my rather depressing vibe that I send off on this website. Let me reassure you, I am in no dire need of help and that I am simply, devistated. This webpage was created for JEYDON, not for anything less, anything more. So, that is how it will stay. Jeydon's story here on earth is now finished and he is gone, that is all I have to say and or write about. To talk about my personal life and doings freely would be becide the purpose of why this webpage stands where it does today. I will continue to talk about Jeydon this way because it is all I know today. I wish I could talk about all the fun and painless days he now experiences, but I can't. Please know that everything is as "well" as could be right now, and that one day, not today, I will be able to talk is better ways. I cannot wait for the day that I can mention Jeydon's name or hear it without crying, but that is down the road a piece.

Jeydon fought so hard for so long, in ways that not even us as eye-witness viewers could imagine, so how could we as those same people not carry on for him? He suffered in his own ways, and now it is simply our turn to suffer without him here...

I have never doubted that this is the way God wanted things to be and that this was planned way before our time, and only God knew what he was doing and that what he was doing was right. He, as our savior, made no mistakes when He delt us our deck of cards and he made no mistakes in giving us Jeydon's beautiful, cherished and loved life full with an abundant source memories. God gave us those memories to have at times like these when we would no longer have Jeydon here with us. God fully and truly knew that Jeydon was the strongest person to do this, and he sent him here for a purpose and took him for the same, we may never know what that purpose is here on Earth, but once we reach purity and eternal life, we will then know.

Ten years sounds and feels like a long time, but in reality, Jeydon was gone as fast as he was here and no matter how short his stay, he led a beautiful and memorable life.

If I may do so, I will quote my own mother, "How can I be mad at God now, when he gave Jeydon to me."

We all miss you, Jeydon. I am so glad your suffering is over. You're free and where you always wanted most to be. With love, Kyler.