Six months ago today...Jeydon took his last breath on Earth.
Six months ago today...in that same last breath, Jeydon took his first breath in Heaven.
Six months ago today...Jeydon gave up his heartbeat in exchange for the heartbeat of God.
Six months ago today...we mourned over an amazing boy's loss.
Six months ago today...we rejoiced over an amazing boy's gains.
Six months ago today...Jeydon suffered.
Six months ago today...Jeydon was cleansed.
Six months ago today...we learned the true meaning of strength and beauty.
Six months ago today...Jeydon met God, someone he FULLY relied on, for the first time ever.
Six months ago today...we witnessed the worst day of our lives, and the best day of Jeydon's.
Six months ago today...Jeydon laid all his plans, hopes, dreams, and future at God's feet.
Six months ago today...we knew Jeydon was finally safe and healthy and full and renewed.
Six months ago today...and we still remember. and cry. and pray. and try. and miss. and love.
Yes, six months is a long time. A big "milestone" if you will, in the world of grief. Most people who haven't travelled along this dreaded road assume that six months is the end of grief and the "letting go" process. I stand before you to tell you it is not. Just as love, grief never ends also. I imagine myself in fourty years still thinking of Jeydon and although it won't be nearly as debilitating, I think I will still have to wipe my eyes.
It's been six months since Jeydon died but it has also been six months since he was healed and brought to new life and endless happiness. I've said eariler that we never exactly bluntly told Jeydon that he was going to die, and since he was in a sedated state most of the time, he didn't know he was home, or why he was for that matter. But he was such a wise man, and such an old, old soul. I hate to think he knew he was dying but I think he did. Now I say "man" lightly because in reality Jeydon was only a baby when he died. He was 14. Fourteen. In my mind, fourteen year olds still aren't supposed to die. Him dying didn't change my perspective on children dying. Altered it? Yes. Changed it? No.
We will all always miss Jeydon, but life sadly goes on. I guess this was supposed to happen and its not just an unfair glitch in life. I know God planned Jeydon's life long before time and nothing could have changed what happened to Jeydon last June. Regardless, we still miss him and selfishly want him back. Jeydon fought like hell, as do all these other precious kids, and he went to Heaven anyway..I wonder if he ever thinks it was all a waste like I do sometimes. But I can say that no matter what, Jeydon always smiled and if it weren't for that bald head of his nobody would have known he had cancer. Neuroblastoma what made Jeydon, Jeydon and he never let it conquer his life, spirit, and mind.
Christmastime is coming and the holidays have proven themself to be hard and upsetting in the worst ways. We put up our Christmas tree and decorated in all fancy for Jeydon because he simply loved the holidays. I imagine us always doing the same traditions we usually do, just minus one person, one very very important person.
To Jeydon,
Soooo Jeydon, happy six months! I love you so much! I am so sorry I want you to come back and for things to be like they always were, you know how I so hate change. I'm trying though, I really am, and I will forever miss you. Nothing can ever take away my love for you and you will ALWAYS be my twin brother. Thankyousomuch for all your wonderful gifts to all of us, they are something I will forever cherish. I found a small box that had To Kyler: Luve Jeydon written on it exactly like that! It was the christmas gift you gave me when we were six, the little duck, remember? I hope you hear my prayers every night, I pray they get to you. I love you, Jeydon and I miss you very, very much...
Luve ;) Kyler.
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