We'll See Your Face Again.

Looking at pictures of Jeydon is hard now, though my mother finds it comforting and peers through album by album each day that passes. She had all of her photos that she took over the years, stored away in many plastic boxes, piled ontop of one another in the basement. She used to groan when she needed to file through them to find an appropriate picture for whatever thing came up, but when it was time for Jeydon's funeral...she went downstairs alone and pulled them all out, scattering them across the floor. There was so many pictures of him and she found it hard to chose what ones to use for the several collages of photos for the viewing and service.

I finally took all of Jeydon's belongings that were stored on "our" computer and put them onto a disk for storage into a box where all his things will go. It was by far one of the hardest things i've had to do so far, and I cry while I write this. The rather large box sits on the floor of our closet, fitted into a corner for when I need to look at whatever I want. All of his things that were on our desk are no longer, as well as the drawers that are becide our desk and it feels so empty. When I logon to our computer now there isn't any name and password requirement, it simply says "Welcome, Kyler" and asks for the appropriate password but I won't dwell over that, I just simply look down at the keyboard, which I don't need to do whilst I type, and type.

I am fully aware of my rather depressing vibe that I send off on this website. Let me reassure you, I am in no dire need of help and that I am simply, devistated. This webpage was created for JEYDON, not for anything less, anything more. So, that is how it will stay. Jeydon's story here on earth is now finished and he is gone, that is all I have to say and or write about. To talk about my personal life and doings freely would be becide the purpose of why this webpage stands where it does today. I will continue to talk about Jeydon this way because it is all I know today. I wish I could talk about all the fun and painless days he now experiences, but I can't. Please know that everything is as "well" as could be right now, and that one day, not today, I will be able to talk is better ways. I cannot wait for the day that I can mention Jeydon's name or hear it without crying, but that is down the road a piece.

Jeydon fought so hard for so long, in ways that not even us as eye-witness viewers could imagine, so how could we as those same people not carry on for him? He suffered in his own ways, and now it is simply our turn to suffer without him here...

I have never doubted that this is the way God wanted things to be and that this was planned way before our time, and only God knew what he was doing and that what he was doing was right. He, as our savior, made no mistakes when He delt us our deck of cards and he made no mistakes in giving us Jeydon's beautiful, cherished and loved life full with an abundant source memories. God gave us those memories to have at times like these when we would no longer have Jeydon here with us. God fully and truly knew that Jeydon was the strongest person to do this, and he sent him here for a purpose and took him for the same, we may never know what that purpose is here on Earth, but once we reach purity and eternal life, we will then know.

Ten years sounds and feels like a long time, but in reality, Jeydon was gone as fast as he was here and no matter how short his stay, he led a beautiful and memorable life.

If I may do so, I will quote my own mother, "How can I be mad at God now, when he gave Jeydon to me."

We all miss you, Jeydon. I am so glad your suffering is over. You're free and where you always wanted most to be. With love, Kyler.

09.

skate4cancer

Hi, Jeydon.

Hi, Jeydon, it's been so long since I've talked to you.. Today marks one month {but who's counting?} I hope you've got where you need to be and I hope you're still missing me. I miss you too, and days get hard. I know you're happy and painfree, so many people have told me. But this is too unfair and much too painful. I don't remember what it's like waking up with you there, how can you be so far away yet so near? One day we'll be together again, but that day feels like miles away. I love you forever and miss you each day, please don't ever fly too far away. -Kyler.

Hi, Jeydon, my love, I miss you so. You're forever my boy, and I want you to know that no matter how many tears I shead, I am still so happy for you. You reached eternal life before us all, and I couldn't promise it in this life, but I can now. Jeydon, you are so free and I swear not a thing will hurt you in any way, ever. I had so many dreams for you, but you were sent to me for different reasons. No matter how short your stay, I had fourteen years to have and to hold you, fourteen years nobody will ever take away. Fourteen years I will forever hold close and cherish. If I could imagine the abundant amount of agape love you're recieving today, baby, I would cry no more. Visit me in my dreams often my love, forever yours, Mum.

Hi, Jey, It's Alexis. Have fun with Jesus and color me a picture of him, ok? Thanks for love!! Love, Lexis.

Hi, Jeydon i is so sad. And Mummy misses you too, bubba. I waved to the monkeys for you. ok, love you, bye.

Hi, Jeydon, Dude this sucks. I always knew there was something awesome about you, maybe that's why you got to leave first. You can't imagine my heartache and tears when I'm alone, probably how I can't imagine how great you got it now. No matter how much I want you back I wouldn't want you to suffer cause that was too brutal. I miss skating with you and the crazy shit we used to do, lol. When you talk to Jesus, ask him to throw in an extra prayer for me to stay outta trouble and get good grades. Hah. Skate in Peace dude. _Levi


More tomorrow.

Miss you today,
Miss you everyday.

One Month....

My Own Two Hands.

The Jeydon that left the hospital one month ago tomorrow was not the Jeydon that I knew. He needed to be carried to his wheelchair, then pushed in it, gently. When it was time to get into the car my father had to put him in there in the backseat but not where he always sat. He had to lay on all three seats with blankets and pillows, his favorite blanket was held in his own two hands.

I sat in the back of the car and watched him painfully try to find peace in his sleep, which was hard. We brought an IV pole home with us, which had never been done before in our ten years in-and-out of treatment, that stayed in our bedroom becide his bed. He was required to be on contant fluids since he had not eaten on the 11th of June and his morphine drip for the severe pain {mostly bone pain, which I might add is horrific} Try to imagine cancerous cells rapidly dividing in your spongy bone marrow, multiplying so extensively it pushes through the marrow into your bones, body and blood. Yeah, now thats hell. But you actually can't imagine it, not even I can after ten years. Ten years.



{'Cause I keep promises.} Lovely Miss Piper's Feet

K xx.

ATTN:
Tomorrow we leave for Bahamas and I am almost 100% sure that I will have no internet connection there. If you would like, feel free to email me, as I will have my phone.
****** Please do not expect me to reply right away, each day. Note that I am with family on holiday. Thanks.
kylerpaige@aim.com

My Soul Dances With Jeydon.

Someone sent me a really cute little letter yesterday that said "My Soul Dances With Jeydon" and I will take a photo later and share tomorrow.

We went to the zoo today, which was nice but also very very hard without Jeydon. People said that the first few (days?) would be "easier" since we'd be living in a "blur" and that'd it take a few weeks to "set in." Well they sure were not lying. He's everywhere. His empty cup, when was the last time he used that? Or how about the time today we were taking a headcount at the zoo (pictures tomorrow) and I still turned my head back to look for my twin brother. He really was my other half. I'm not whole now, no?

I love you J; we all miss you a lot. Sending kisses your way, be ready to catch them, won't you?

One month ago today, Jeydon stopped smiling. And horsing around. And laughing. It's so hard to believe, that in just about three days it will be one whole month since Jeydon was taken home on hospice. And in nine short days it will be the day Jeydon entered Heaven's gates one month ago to stay forever. Or leave forever? Whatever.

June will officially stand as the worst month for me.

How we love you Jeydon!!
I hope Heaven is all that it is said to be and more. I hope that you never will cry or feel pain again (I know you won't..but still) I hope that you're smiling down on us as we so painfully carry on in anguish. This is so surreal!!

K xx.

Fifteen.

birthday |ˈbərθˌdā|
noun
the annual anniversary of the day on which a person was born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and present-giving : I'm getting a dollhouse for my birthday | [as adj. ] a birthday cake | the birthday boy.
• the day of one's birth : she shares a birthday with Paul McCartney.
• the anniversary of something starting or being founded : the staff celebrated the twenty-fifth birthday of the paper.

Someone's birthday should celebrate their birth, and not include their death in that. Please remember that Jeydon did LIVE and no matter how few days or years, he did make a life-lasting impact that will never be faltered.

Picture: Candles lit inside a pretty little bowl where Jeydon's place would have been at our family table. Where do I start, let me say yesterday was extremely bittersweet! I never thought that one missing person from such a large table could make it feel just so damn empty. It was hard watching all my little cousins play, knowing that Jeydon was not here, and that he really was in Heaven. I kept standing there, watching the fireworks up in the sky thinking to myself Is he really up there?

Is this really forever?

We always, always, always had cupcakes for our birthday because having ONE cake wouldn't be fair enough, and having TWO would be "insane" as our mother always put it. So cupcakes it is! :) I recieved nice gifts and really sweet cards {cards have always been my favourite} but I still felt that gap in my heart, knowing there was no gifts for Jeydon, I'm sure he recieved plenty in Heaven! My parents did get Jeydon a little something that we plan on planting beneath the tree when get back home in the next few weeks. Jeydon always loved his birthday and ours was really celebrated after his diagnosis, knowing what could happen at any minute. His diagnosis was a terrible thing, but as people say "with all bad comes good" and it did come with some good, believe it or not. It taught us to live in this moment and to cherish everything before us, no matter how little and that the best moments in live are the ones spent with those we love. But most importantly, it taught us to everyday live a little better, love a little deeper and laugh a hell of a lot louder. I think somehow, someway, Jeydon already knew those lessons and his job directly from God was to teach us those very sacred life lessons as his mission. Like some kind of "messanger" he was brought here to teach us through love, laughter and even tears and heartbreak. We all have a mission in life and it only took Jeydon just over 14 years to complete that! I say job well done kid!!!!

When he was young, Jeydon thought that the fireworks every year on the 4th were for him! hahaha. He never pieced the hoilday and his birthday falling on that exact day together, how cute is that? But what a show our uncle Dan put on yesterday for almost 5 hours woo! I am sure Jeydon got a good glimpse at them from the best seat in the house and I am sure there was no bugs up there lol! Last year on the 4th we were all at home and having a GREAT time by the pool with our friends, and Jeydon's health was at its best then along with the one year he spent in remission. Who would have thought one year later he'd be gone???

This year, along with many other years in the future, was hard but it was not spent in vain. It was hard when everyone sang happy birthday to only me, but we did sing to Jeydon afterward while we sent balloons up to Heaven's sky for him to catch. It almost feels as if Jeydon was cheated out of a simple birthday. Something he should have been here to celebrate for, not been so far away that we'd have to cry for him. He was SO excited about turning 15, because it was sooooo close to the big '16' and he couldn't wait to drive. Now, that's something he'll never get to do. DAMN! How unfair. It's hard to look back 12 months and say that was his last birthday here on earth, but I am so glad that it was filled with happy memories to carry along through the rest of my years without him. I am so glad nobody knew that was his last birthday, God made him so healthy and filled with happiness that last year. But it still hurts to think about how many more birthdays i'll spend without him.

Vacation update.
All is extremely well! The weather has been amazingly kind here in VA and the beach is just simply gorgeous!! There was a few highlights that i'll make quick note of here.

Great People Not that we have horrible people in the UK, but it's just so nice to know that the length we've traveled has still brought us good people. So kind and patient. Especially when it comes to giving much needed directions LOL!

Sephora Need I say more? I think my pictures will do good talking.




I know what you're thinking, she's obsessed! Yes, with Juicy Couture, obsessed would be a most proper way to put it :)

Sights! WOW, everythings beautiful! Especially through my lens, but that simply does no justice to this lovely little place. The beaches are crystal clear waters with soft soothing sands, mmm! Wish you were here!

Havaianas Just AWW. My niece of 2 two years, Piper, looks just DARLING in them. I need pictures of her chubby little baby feet!


STAY TUNED!!!

Kyler xx.

Remnants and Jeydon's tree {Alexis} Pt. 2

We're leaving tomorrow for Austrailia and then we're off to Bahamas with extended family and I am very happy for that. Yesterday I caught a few good shots of Alexis swinging and playing around Jeydon's tree so here's one since I caught just too many to share in one post {I'll save more for later :)} She reminds all of us of Jeydon more and more everyday as do all of my sibblings, but her espeically. She's just like Jeydon in looks, the words she choses and the way she portrays herself. Our mother always used to say that her and Jeydon we're really twins, just years apart since Jeydon and I are polar opposites.

I started this post a day ago, but never go to finish or publish! So yes, we're in the states officially now, (we changed plans for several different reasons that aren't something I'd prefer to discuss.) Before we left I was searching our room for something I needed to take along with us on holiday and found remnants of a half eaten cookie. Jeydon's christmas cookie. Most might find this disgusting, but when someone you really love is gone, it's not garbage it's memorabilia. Everything has a little bit of Jeydon left which is both good and bad.


Yesterday before we took off, all of our family met at our house since we were all going together in different cars, but with eachother. I was getting ready in our room and our two year old cousin, Piper, walked into our room looking around like she was curiously looking for something. She stood around for several minutes before speaking, and I just watched her. She went over to Jeydon's bed, peeked under it and then over to our closet door and shrugged asking me "where bubba was?" I said he isn't here because he lives in Heaven now and she said "oh" like she knew what I was talking about exactly after I explained it. Then out of the blue she began to ask a bunch of questions like why Jeydon was there and not here, and why she wasn't in Heaven too, or why he was sick? Just why??? Questions we too have, but she's a child so she asks. I guess we're all just afraid. Afraid to ask, and afraid to hear the answer.

Tomorrow, will be Jeydon's and my birthday, Jeydon's first in Heaven and I will have more pictures to share then. Please pray for our family and for Jeydon as well. Nobody wants Jeydon to be in Heaven, but if he has to be we'd want him there. If that is even such a thing to want.

May the angels protect you for all your years to come Jeydon. Every year with you was another year forever remembered and forever cherished. You ARE such a great kid who will never cease to amaze any single one of us, even after your departure. Tomorrow we will celebrate like we always did and will continue to do, Jeydon. Don't feel bad that we cry because you are not here. We just miss and love you and it's the only way to show that right now. I hope you have SO much fun tomorrow and realize that you deserve it more than any of us ever will. You were so brave through and through, nothing ever stopped you. Send us plenty of signs tomorrow, Jeydon. Happy 15th Birthday. We love you!