Where?

It often takes me a while to think about what exactly to write down here to share with everyone. It seems as though Jeydon's absence becomes more and more concious as the days slip away with him. It's hard to think he would have been here, 1 year ago today. That last year, was his last summer, his last first day of school, his last August, his last Monday, everything. It seems rather depressing to dwell on every last of his lasts, but the feeling doesn't subside and the lingering thoughts don't either.

My new room isn't Jeydon's too anymore. It's my things. My girl-ish things, and nothing in here belongs to Jeydon. Nothing in this room, this house, Jeydon touched. Never did he walk here, breathe here, laugh here. Never will we make another "Jeydon" memory in this new atmosphere, but we can carry old ones. Those memorys are so important. More important than a safe box filled with important documents, or photographs, or slips of money. How I wish I could take Jeydon as a whole and put him in a safe box to keep forever. To know he's always there. I know he's in Heaven, but I don't know where. How far away is Heaven? Should I look up to the clouds with the perspective of a small child and wave with a beaming smile, knowing he's there? Someone recently spoke and said that Jeydon's spirit and presence is "everywhere." Is that really so? Or does the mind say these things sunconciously to try and dampen the reality that he really is gone.




And of course...I had to add his beloved.


These things all came with us to our new house, along with many of (or all of) Jeydon's other belongings. They help you remember.

His phone still hasn't been shut off.

K xx.