Dear Jeydon, Happy Anniversary! I miss you so much, sweetheart. Can you hear everything I have been saying to you every night since you have been in Heaven? I always leave you voicemails and I still say "goodnight" to you, I hope you get them. See that picture of the necklace above? I bought this in loving memory of you and have worn it religiously ever since. I love how it's called the "Open Heart Necklace" so that I can always let our love for eachother in no matter what. I realize my heart is broken now, but I do still carry you in my heart, for always.
I still have not come to terms with your death. I do not understand and I do not think I want to understand for that matter. I know I will never get the answers to my daily questions. "To where has Jeydon gone?" "Why did this happen?" "How could this happen?" And those are just to name a few... The saddest part is I know in my heart, deep, deep in my heart, that I can not have you back ever again. Tears cannot bring you back, I know because I've tried. I have no idea how to handle the ways I feel sometimes, Jeydon, please help me. I beg you. I tried to pretend this never happened just a few weeks ago as I was on holiday in Peru with my family. I did all my "normal" routine things and tried to not think too much. (Since not thinking about you simply isn't possible.) Well my body repaid me by making me very sick. Going to school without you now is awfully debilitating and hurts beyond belief. I'd much rather grieve at home instead of in a public venue because my emotions right now are a jumbled mess inside me. Crying for you comes without warning and reason. The smallest things are the biggest and it kills me sometimes. Usually, to push past all that pain, I just pretend that you're too sick to come to school like you had been many a times, or tell myself you're at hospital getting a treatment or medicine. Seeing your twin sister, Kyler, (I didn't really need to tell you her name, lol) is such a relief, thank God for her!
Jeydon, at last minute decision, in memory of you I decided to go to Warped Tour over the summer on Long Island, New York, with your sister and some friends. It was great, different, but still great and I know you would have most DEFINITLEY approved of the band line-up. Much to everyone's surprise, The Devil Wears Prada played as one of the first bands for the day and we near missed them, but caught them in the last ten minutes, how about that? I guess you had asked God so kindly to let them play first so you could watch and then go off and do your "thing." Did you notice the Skate4Cancer booth?! OMG I was so happy!! What a way to remember you, huh? Skateboarding (your favorite, of course) and cancer (stupid fucking disease that took you) was quite a shock to see. God bless that young man, Rob, for putting all of that together for cancer suffers. Thank you, Rob Dyer. I know Jeydon would say "thanks" too. I hope a cure is found soon, my love, we will all keep fighting and that is a promise!!!! p.s. I bought a cute little sticker that says "Fuck Cancer" on it, ahah :) I know that'd make you laugh. I know you probably were already watching, but just incase let me reinforce this, underOATH played "Writing on the Walls"! Kyler caught it on film, don't worry!
Oh, Jeydon, this has been the hardest, worst, and the best experience of my life. All because of you, and all the love you had to offer to me, I am who I am today. I believe so strongly in the Lord because of you. Being your girlfriend changed me so much and I will NEVER forget you, just like the millions of others you touched, near and far. You were always and still are so loved, don't you ever forget that. Only the best get rewarded in Heaven at such a young age. I know you carried our your purpose and you carried it out well. Please, don't let my tears break you in anyway, I want nothing to do with hurting your precious soul. I am so sorry that you suffered here, baby, and if there was anyway, I would have given my life to see you live. I know how horridly unfair this whole "cancer" thing is, and I will do whatever I can do live up to the great memories you gave me, great things you did for everyone around you and the good feelings you spread to everyone.
Today would have been a year and a half of being together with you, my love. Sadly, you are not here to celebrate with. I guess I will have to "celebrate" alone, if celebrating is such a word to use...
Rest in peace, my beloved boyfriend.
Always yours, always mine.
I love you.
xx.
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