Take Me Back.

Well, here you have it. Jeydon has most definitely seen better days and nights around here. Today has been the "first" day he's really been needing of hospice care and his pain seems to increase every hour and I assume things will get worse. He recieved his first rescue dose of morphine today at about 1:30 PM and continues to recieve and need pain medications every three to four hours respectively. Hospice care-takers have all been saying that things are going to really get ugly around here, and they were so right. Jeydon slept about 2 hours last night before being woken with severe, and I mean SEVERE leg/hip/abdominal pain and that was when he was started up on his morphine bolus. Things haven't gone too swimmingly either since then.

We've all been looking at old photographs and memories of Jeydon in better years. Years he was either completely free of any suffering or years he had little to no suffering at all. PHOTO: Baby Jeydon just a few months old. Little did any of us know, he probably had cancer growing in his little body. Jeydon has been on and off vomiting all day long and refuses any medications for it if they can't be administered intravenously, and since we don't want to have too many IV's going at once, (we already have his port accessed for less trauma each time he needs a dose of pain killers and the IV in his hand is for fluids so he won't become dehydrated.) We understand fully that Jeydon doesn't really need fluids anymore but we wouldn't want his body to suffer because of something as simple as dehydration until the end..That just doesn't seem right.This one just cracks me up! Jeydon decided that we needed "Rules" in our room, so he made this when he was about five or six. I love all his little mistakes and precious handwriting.(Enlarge to read.)

We are fully aware that the end is nearing now and that we don't have much time left with our Jeydon.I remember when Jeydon got that newspaper/magazine last year after we came home from a waterpark with our family and grandparents in PA. Jeydon and I both left the pizza parlor early with our grandparents because Jeydon wanted to shower before dinner and I was tired, yes me and not Jeydon, lol. 2008 was a GREAT year for Jeydon. Oh how I wish we could just go back! Many times I have prayed to God and said "just at least take me back!!" so we could all enjoy that great year with a great kid.

Jeydon made my grandma purchase two copies of the magazine so he could take some clippings out of one and hang it on his wall, and use the other just to read and have. Well we arrived home at the end of the summer that year and Jeydon had no time to hang up photos as he was preparing for what would be his last year of school, we just didn't know that. And they still sit atop his bookshelf in the corner of our room, collecting dust. And to think he will never get to even hang them up now, damn!

Please continue the prayers, we need them and we feel them.
-Kyler